Feeling or thinking

I was just reading another girl's blog I found on the internet and decided why can't I create a blog? A career counsellor suggested that I do it as it would fit my personality type. INFP. Ask me a year ago to put myself in a box such as personality typing and I would have given you a crazy look. Same as quotes, as cliche as one might label them to be- they are there for a reason. Great people have thought of amazing methods of transpiring thoughts into words, via the medium of a quote. Really amazing stuff. Two of my most recent favourites are:

To love means to open ourselves to the negative as well as the positive - to grief, sorrow, and disappointment as well as to joy, fulfillment, and an intensity of consciousness we did not know was possible before. - Rollo May

Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone today. 

-Picasso

I believe in both of these wholeheartedly. The thing that caught me on this girls blog was 'learning how to love yourself'. This is something new i have taken on. As simple as some people may comprehend this it is harder for some. I just find myself so caught up in relationships with others that I find it hard to focus on what I really, truly want to do and create in myself. I love relationships and interactions, watching the dynamics of a group of people entirely excites me. It is in this sense that I know I have strong intuition but that I need to further hone my skills in being objective, viewing all the options before making a wholly emotional-based decision. 

I've had people tell me that I am intense, I've had people, random strangers, come up and tell me there is something amazing they see. And I feel like I can't see it yet, patience is such a virtue and I've since come to discover that I have a lot more of it now. I find it so hard to have the even balance of being intense in my own respect and less so for others sake. Not everyone is programmed to get everything right away, you can't get something if you don't have the skills or capacity to understand what is being told. And then some of us do have the skills but we just choose to turn them off as a defense mechanism. 

What do I do with this intensity? Its not the same as an extravert, say my friend I'll call her Rose. She thrives off of outward attention, is a born entertainer. I learned long ago that is not me, yet I feel the need sometimes to be that extravert and I do on occasion. I'm more intense int he sense of when I really want to know and trust someone I start on a level of conversation maybe most people aren't comfortable with. There has been so many times where I have met someone, male or female, sexual or no, where I have befriended them, come to love who they are and start to trust them only to find that when our friendship/relationship deepened that they seemed to back off and leave me. 

Perceptions are such an important part about us, half the time I believe that as soon as we send a thought out- that CAN be. It doesn't mean it will be, unless we feed the thought. But it certainly puts that idea OUT there. For example: I'll start creating a relationship with someone and if I were to feel jealousy etc and let that thought start to rule my mind, I wonder if that is what pushes this person away. The same concept can be applied to something positive: a new idea is thought up and if that idea is fed continually in a constructive way, that idea becomes something of an amazing creation.

Hmmm. Food for thought.

How about dropping that liquid courage- in the form of psychedelic acid. That sure helped me come to a few more -- I was going to write conclusions but that isn't right at all-- I'll say hypothesis'es! ??!

My new little cat is in on a destruction path in my house. Hes finally found one thing to play with and it so happens its a necklace of mine and I'd like it back before he ruins it... Sigh.

Crazy? No.